My life - My story of my childhood abuse

Hello to all my readers

Todays post is not for everyone, so I totally understand if you do not want to read.

I’ve been deliberating for a while now about writing this post out. It’s a bit of an awareness post as well as telling my own story.

 Almost 10 years ago I was a normal 15-year girl who had just gone into year 11 at school, obviously a big year as it was GCSE year and the year for leaving school.  Me and my friends were getting excited about choosing our prom dresses and planning all our 16^th birthdays. Mine was going to be the first one in December and we were already planning bear in mind it was only September.

On the 25^th of September 2009 I woke up to a friend request on Facebook from a man I didn’t know, I looked at his profile before accepting it and thought it must be a friend of my family as he had quite a few people I knew as mutual friends on there. So, I didn’t think twice not to accept. I know now I should have ignored it. I went to school and around lunchtime, I got a Facebook message from the guy who added me that morning. We chatted a bit and said he like my profile picture and we swapped numbers over the course of the day.  It was weekend that I was staying at my dad’s, so we carried on texting over the weekend. On Sunday (27^th) he asked if we could meet, so I agreed as he seems nice and genuine. At this point, I was 100% aware of his age. We agreed to meet in at the village hall in the village that my dad lived in at the time. I told my family I would take the dog out on a long walk to tire her out. I left the house just before 4 and walked up the village hall and sat on a bench in the park, he pulled up in his car and got out.  I think back now and its stupid, but I thought he was gorgeous. I cringe now at the thought of him now.

He came over and sat on the bench at we just talked, we talked for around an hour and a bit then I said I needed to go home because of the time.  We hugged and then said goodbye. I felt so many feelings which I know now I shouldn’t have but at the time I thought it was normal.

Fast forward 2 weeks and a lot of texting later, we had a teacher training day at school. It was October so it was starting to get colder, but I spent the day at home and then had a message from M to say he had finished work. We met up at the field and went for a walk that was the first time he sexually assaulted me. I didn’t agree to it but he carried on. Then stopped an apologised, I ran home and ignored him for about 2 weeks. I realised in this time that we had been seen together and had my family on my back, but I denied anything that was asked. I got my head down at school and did my mock exams with the occasional text from Michael, he asked if he could apologise again in person and I agreed. From that day we met with friends regularly, by the end of November we were seeing each other regularly and then on the 24^th November, it all changed.

We met after school and played football for a bit and I kicked the ball down the side of the stream, so we went down to find it.  After finding it I went to walk back up the bank and he pushed me down, stripped off my trousers and raped me.

This started 3 months of hell. I had threats made to me if I refused to meet him and if I didn’t do what he said and told me if I told anyone I wouldn’t be here to see my birthday.

The school got involved after another girl reported him and I told the school and the police I knew nothing to protect myself. The abuse continued all over December and into January. I had turned 16 just before Christmas and nothing changed. It was my friends 16^th birthday in the January and loads of us went around for a party at her house. I was hoping that I could let my hair down and chill for the evening. But at 11pm I had a text from him to say he was picking me up and I was staying at his. I refused but he made threats. I told my friends that I had to go home, and he picked me up and made me carry on drinking. We got to his house and I was sick, yet he made me drink more and more, then I blacked out. I woke up the next morning naked with him cuddled into me and I was in so much pain. I pushed him off and locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I got myself dressed and said that I needed to go as I had things to do. He dropped me to the end of my road and left for football. I felt so scared and sad I stayed in the shower for nearly an hour scrubbing my skin until it was red. I carried on with my weekend and on Monday at school told our school counsellor what had been going on for the last 3 months.   M had already been bailed after been arrested in December. The councillor was great he stayed with me while I spoke to the police and gave my evidence and had my medical done for evidence.

He was then rearrested and remanded in custody. I felt a sudden relief that the ordeal was over. Eventually, he was charged with 27 counts of child sex abuse and pleaded guilty to them. He was sentenced in the September to 8 and half years in prison where he served just under half the sentence before been released.

I’ve had countless hours of counselling over the past 9 years and I’ve finally got around to accepting that it wasn’t my fault.

I urge anyone that has been through this and hasn’t spoken to anyone please talk to someone.

I have linked a few people below who can help.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I’ve spared most of the details as I don’t feel comfortable sharing them all but writing this helps me accept the trauma I went through. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result of this but I'm stronger now than I've ever been.

Lauren  xox

People to talk to who can help:

ChildLine contact

Childline sexual abuse info

NSPCC preventing abuse